Sunday Ethics: Reproductive Technologies and the NICU
Posted by realityrounds on October 11, 2009
There is no getting away from ethical issues when it comes to Neonatal Intensive Care and reproductive technologies. I love ethics and the study of ethics, but dealing with it in real life can be painful and heartbreaking. The New York Times has a great piece about IVF, economics and the impact of multiple births as it relates to prematurity and admissions to the NICU.
Read the article, and answer these questions for yourself:
1. Would you do anything to have a biological child?
2. Would you risk financial ruin to have a biological child?
3. Would you risk having a premature child with developmental disabilities , if it increased your chances of having a biological child?
4. Would you go through expensive reproductive technologies with a statistically increased chance of having a premature infant, when doing so would increase the health insurance payments of your co-workers?
These are hard questions to answer. My husband and I were lucky enough to become pregnant, and deliver healthy babies easily. I KNOW HOW LUCKY WE ARE.
But because I am a NICU nurse and have seen first hand the devastation that a sick infant can have on a marriage, I asked my husband some difficult questions before we ever thought of having kids. We discussed what we would do if we could not get pregnant. For us, we loved our life together, and we would live our life to the fullest without kids. We loved to travel, to meet people, to talk, to eat, to collect (and drink) wine, to go to the theater, to live life. For us, children did not equate to a complete life . Before anyone flames me, I am not saying I do not love my kids and that they are not the most important part of my life, because they, and my husband, are the purpose of my life. I am just saying that my husband and I felt we could live a very happy and fulfilled life, ………without children.
Yes, easy to say these things when I have kids. But, I stand by them. Having children was not the epitome of a happy, fulfilled life for me and my husband.
So why is having children the epitome of ultimate happiness for others?
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Post edit 10/21/09 12:30pm
*After reading some comments left on this post, I realized (full disclosure) that I came off sounding like an asshole. Really, I did. For this I apologize. I edited out some sarcastic statements on this post where it seemed like I was mocking infertility. God knows, I was not. I was trying to convey that the choice, for me, to not have children was OK. Nothing to feel bad about. But instead, I came across sounding like an asshole, I admit it! I sounded as if infertility is no big thing. Yes, I am an idiot, (and not a very effective writer either 
) I am sure it won’t be the last time I end up eating crow. Again, this post is in response to the NYT’s article that brought up ethical issues of infertility and the tough questions it raises. Questions that should be asked, but in a more sensitive way than I presented.
RR
MomTFH said
Heh, good thing you’re shying away from the controversial topics!
This is so relevant in my life right now. I have a friend on bed rest right now with pre-eclampsia, told she can’t get up or she might stroke out. Waiting until they can induce her twins, which were created via Clomid and IUI.
My sister in law is currently six weeks pregnant with twins. IVF. She was in the hospital for 13 weeks after her singleton. Let’s see how this one goes.
One of my closest friends is in the midst of an IVF cycle. One that is financially difficult for her and her husband. She was firm that if they got to five days and looked good, then they would only be tranferring one, two at the most. But her voice wavered when she got to what she would do if she got a call to come in on the third day. They can’t afford another round. The embryos “didn’t look good” and were transferred on day 3, so who knows how many of the six they transferred. I should call her today and see if it took.
What is interesting about all of these people is that they all have secondary infertility, so they are all doing this for a younger sibling for their existing biological child.
I could never, ever go into reproductive endocrinology. I am going to be very conservative with giving Clomid, also, probably referring out rather than using in a generalist outpatient setting. Unless I feel comfortable counting follicles and detecting hyperstimulation, I would rather not handle it and then be responsible for patient and partner plus who knows how many embryos and a big fat high risk pregnancy with a huge possibility of developmentally delayed infants, if they survive.
Also, if I was in reproductive endocrinology, I would probably require my patients to agree to selective reductions, which I see as ethically troubling. I would rather not have to deal with that. Many practitioners in the field see selective terminations of high order multiple pregnancies as very separate from elective abortion. I think it’s the same spectrum. And I don’t want to force anyone into that decision. So, making someone sign a consent form like that when we can all agree that there is significant emotional coercion, for lack of a better word…I just don’t want to be that person.
Sarah said
MomTFH,
I appreciate your though and honesty on the subject. Like RealityRounds, infertility was never a problem. It’s hard for me think about what we would have done if it were. I’d like to think that we would have adopted – although that can be as financially and emotionally demanding as fertility treatments.
I currently work on a floor essentially dedicated to high risk antepartum patients, and I have (although only briefly) worked in NICU. We see many of the complications after IUI/IVF; it is sad. Having that information, I do not think I would choose it for myself.
MomTFH said
I don’t mean to hijack a complicated thread.
But, I read this article in the NYT, and I was struck how the reproductive endocrinologist (aka fertility doctor) did not even discuss selective reduction until the woman had the ultrasound and found out she had quintuplets. Bad, bad anticipatory guidance.
realityrounds said
“Heh, good thing you’re shying away from the controversial topics!”
Blame it on the New York Times!
MomTFH said
Whoops, here’s the link to the article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/12/health/12fertility.html?_r=1&em=&pagewanted=all
pinky said
I have been a Mother for 24 years. I had my first baby when I was very young. I don’t remember a life without having children. I am very fertile. However, my Sister is not. I offered to carry babies for her. She refused. She told me that was just too weird but appreciated the gesture. I now have an adopted neice and nephew. I could not love them more! The love I have for them is very very close to the love I have for my own children. I now think biology is overrated.
It is amazing the lengths folks will go to have their own biological children. I cannot really understand because as I said, I have had an easy time. I really cannot put myself in their shoes. I think it is something you have to go through to really understand how you would react.
Also I have a cousin who has a severely handicapped child. Her having the child has actually brought out the best in her. I know that is not always the case. But it is in her case. It is actually heart warming to see how well she has done faced with this challenge.
Sarah said
Right now my husband and I are TTC our first child. We’ve talked about not being able to bear our own children and decided we would accept it if that happened. As a teacher I see a lot of unwanted kids, and we know we want to pursue foster parenting whether we bear biological children or not. So, foster, adoption, or biological, we want to have a family!
Love your thoughtful topics! Keep up the good work!
Akiko said
Hoorah for you. I hope you get both.
Holly said
My mother struggled with infertility before she had me and my two younger siblings. She went through multiple miscarriages and infertility treatments, though never IVF. I don’t know if the technologies weren’t so great in the 80′s or if my parents just couldn’t afford it. Even though I am sitting here (gratefully!), I saw firsthand the toll that infertility took on my mother. I knew from a young age that if I couldn’t have biological children, I would either find a way to adopt or simply not have children. I was very clear about that with my husband before we even started thinking about trying. As it turned out, I got pregnant by surprise while taking birth control, so it just goes to show you never know how life will go!
Star said
Okay, I can’t not comment on this. A couple of problems with this post: first, you seem to be painting all fertility treatments and resulting babies with a very broad brush. To begin with, most IVF cycles and IUIs result in singletons. I don’t remember the exact number, but certainly a large majority. Even where multiples happen, the vast majority of these are twins. “Octomom” type situations are exceedingly rare (although as I will get to in a minute, should not happen). Yes, there are too many twins. Yes, many twins are born preterm, but most do fine.
That having been said, the best REs are taking steps to reduce the number of multiple births, and progress has been made in that direction. They know that regulation is not far away if they don’t self-regulate. There are voluntary guidelines about the number of embryos to transfer in an IVF cycle depending on the woman’s age, etc., and many REs are going beyond that and moving to single-embryo transfers. As the technology continues to improve, we can look forward to an even greater reduction in multiples. For those members of the profession who are reckless in their methods, I do support regulation, censure, etc. Transferring six embryos should be considered malpractice, period.
On needing to have children to be happy, bully for you if you could have been happy without them (though speculating about infertility and actually experiencing it, I must caution, are two different things). Many people do not feel the same. I was very fortunate only to have needed minimal assistance to become pregnant (metformin plus clomid for my first, just metformin for my second) but I would not have hesitated to undergo IVF if that was what it took. I would rather have died than live childless. You may find that as inexplicable as I find the childless by choice folks, but that’s precisely why it’s so important that people have choices about how to build their families. Our feelings about family are among the most personal and central to our identities as any in life. There needs to be more consideration of that by fertiles.
[Let me quickly head off the "why don't you just adopt?" questions before they start. There is no such thing as "just" adopting. It is a slow process, very expensive, and fraught with emotional land mines. That doesn't mean that it hasn't worked out very well for many, many people. But it's a complex issue and a personal choice, and therefore it's totally unfair to tell someone they should only have that one option (or else live child free) because they have a physiological problem that prevents them from reproducing without medical assistance.]
In closing, I want you to know that I do understand where you’re coming from — a place where you see a lot of tragic situations with premature infants that seem preventable if only those infertiles weren’t so darn selfish and just accepted their lot in life. But as someone who briefly experienced the indescribable heartbreak of staring down a life without children, my view is that it’s not so simple. In any case, ART is here to stay, I’m afraid. What we need to do to prevent the tragedies you are seeing in your profession is twofold: (1) have infertility treatment covered by insurance to remove the incentive to make reckless decisions for financial reasons (as this article explains: http://www.slate.com/id/2211151/); and (2) regulate the industry so that high-order multiples never happen and twins become more rare.
realityrounds said
Star,
) brought up these ethical questions, which are very thought provoking.
Thanks for your comment. I was afraid people would take my post the wrong way. I was commenting on the New York Times article. I read it and thought about what I would do, personally in relation to my marriage and life if faced with infertility issues. It was a PERSONAL response. The New York Times article (which I did not write, I’m not that good
“A couple of problems with this post: first, you seem to be painting all fertility treatments and resulting babies with a very broad brush.”
I was commenting on the New York Times article, I never even mentioned different fertility treatments in my post. So, I am not sure where you are coming from with this. On the flip side, it seems to me that women who choose not to have children, are also judged by society, but that is for another post.
“On needing to have children to be happy, bully for you if you could have been happy without them (though speculating about infertility and actually experiencing it, I must caution, are two different things)”
I am quite aware of that, as I pointed out in the post. To me it is about choice, without judgment. Again this was a PERSONAL response to the NYT article. Nowhere was I judging women who seek out infertility treatments. *Did you read the linked article?*
Sarah said
I think that for most people, children are inextricably linked with their vision for their lives. From childhood, they expect that they will grow up, get married, and have children. Most people never expect that infertility will be an issue. Even for people who are ambivalent about parenthood, they don’t discover infertility issues until AFTER they decide that they want to be parents. The grief they face at this intrapsychic loss is very real and very intense. We tried for three years to get pregnant and they were difficult years indeed (thank you, glucophage!).
After three babies, two of which were premature, we decided that the only responsible choice was to make a permanent end to our (marginal) fertility. It may not seem logical, but I grieved for the loss of the fourth child I had hoped to have one day.
While I don’t think that the use of most ART is ideal, I feel sympathy for people who fight against their infertility. Becoming pregnant and bearing a full-term infant is part of a healthy reproductive system and falling short of that is emotionally difficult to accept. I think the challenge for people hoping to become pregnant is to find a balance between what is safely achievable through medical technology and what your dream might be.
geena said
I personally don’t really understand your numerous “Shocking!” comments. As others have commented, it’s one thing to decide that you’re fine (happy even! shocking! wtf?) with never having children, and quite another when infertility has invaded your life.
When you’re stuck in the middle of infertility, you sometimes make decisions that surprise even yourself. I NEVER saw myself going through IVF. EVER. Yet when I was faced with being childless, I did it. But if you’d asked me 5 years prior if I’d ever do it, I would have laughed and laughed. “Why? If we can’t have kids, oh well! We’ll just live our lives to the fullest and be happy with that!”
I really thought that. I was 100% sure of it.
No one goes into IVF thinking that THEY will be the ones with the premature baby/babies. It’s just like no one gets into a car thinking that THEY will be the ones hit by a drunk driver that day. Many many couples have successful and problem-free pregnancies and deliveries after IVF. Many many people successfully get in their cars and get where they want to go with no mishaps whatsoever.
I understand, and believe you, when you say that you would have been happy without children. I don’t actually have a problem with anything you said that isn’t in bold type. I read the article, and I think you (and it) raise some very good and thought-provoking questions. I know that as a NICU nurse, you have a unique insight to what happens with premature babies.
I guess I’m left with the impression that it would have been a piece of cake for you to go from wanting children to knowing you’ll never have them. That’s what your bold type says to me. You know I love your blog and I really enjoy reading your posts… but on this one, your commentary came off as though you were mocking those of us who couldn’t just flip a switch and automatically be happy and fulfilled without children.
Yes, this touched a nerve with me. You most likely did not intend for it to come off as it did, but I wanted you to know that it’s hard for someone like me to read this post and not be a little offended.
realityrounds said
Geena,
UGH. Your right. That was not my intent, with the bold face type to mock infertility, it was more of a commentary on it being OK to choose not to have children. I think I will edit those out, with full disclosure. Thanks for being so honest, and I have no problem admitting I came across as an A**hole!
geena said
Thanks for acknowledging what I wrote. I appreciate it
No hard feelings!
midwest woman said
“you don’t always get what you, but if you try sometimes, you will find, you get what you need”….Rolling Stones. To continue a little bit of my theme from my last post, life can be disappointing.And cruel. And unfair. To be so driven that you think you cannot possibly have fulfillment without certain things is misguided. No one thing will fulfill you . Period. People want things..sometimes you’re lucky sometimes you’re not. Just think of all you’re might be missing when you obssess about the one thing you don’t have. My daughter had several miscarriages before her first baby and I saw how horribly devestated she was.From early on all she wanted was to be a mother. But I also saw her strength in going on and enjoying her life, her family and friends. She was grace personified in her disappointment and I was proud of her. I was raised by a emotionally and physicially abusive alcoholic mother and denied any semblance of the loving mother experience. I spent a long time going through “why me” till I realized life was slipping right through my hands. Fighting the “why me” destroys many people. If people choose to pursue IVF and the other technologies, I hope they think not just of their fulfillment but the possible consequences of their choices. I’m not chastizing women who pursue this…I just hope it is an option that great thought has been given. I don’t know how you do what you do RR..you amaze me and I have great respect for what you do with the littlest of the little. How you fight to keep that tiny little light from sputtering out. As always good post. As an aside, IVF seems very expensive even with insurance so if you’re poor and facing this, it appears as if you would not have access to this option.
Jill said
I, too, am one of the lucky ones who conceives easily and has healthy babies. My first was a surprise. My second took only three cycles to conceive. Both are healthy. I love them so very dearly, but when I see what friends and acquaintances go through to conceive, I think, “WHY?” Someone I know personally recently dumped over $100,000 into IVF treatments that never worked. All I could think of was how many children she could have adopted with that money, that wouldn’t have scarred her body and caused her so much stress amd wasted so much time.
But again, like you, I have no idea what it feels like on the other side of the fence. I can’t say for sure that if I couldn’t have kids, I wouldn’t go to insane measures to get one. The sensible side of me says I would adopt, but how do I know that’s what I’d REALLY do in that situation? I don’t.
It’s one of those things that I will always be blissfully ignorant on, I guess. Like people who are very overweight. I am not and have never been overweight, so it’s easy for me to sit here and say, “Geez, why don’t they get up and exercise/stop eating so much junk food/etc.” But I have NO IDEA what it’s really like, and I never will.
Kathryn said
All I could think of was how many children she could have adopted with that money, that wouldn’t have scarred her body and caused her so much stress amd wasted so much time.
The answer, sadly, is fewer than you think. Adoption can be very expensive if you want a healthy infant, and is incredibly stressful and time-consuming. I have a friend who was rejected for a domestic adoption because she and her husband are of two different religions (Baptist and Lutheran), and were cleared for an international adoption just before I became pregnant. They have spent upwards of $65,000 and have no baby. . . my daughter is three.
Adoption is not a cure for infertility. It is another way to add to a family, but it is by no means simple, cheap, fast, or guaranteed. It is certainly much faster to adopt an older child, or one with special needs, but those situations frankly require some pretty heroic parents. Not everyone is cut out to parent a child in those circumstances, and there is no moral inferiority in recognizing that you’re not up to the challenge.
Akiko said
Part of the reason adoption is expensive is everyone wants a tiny baby not a child. For us we wanted to be parents more than have a newborn. our daughter was a baby, 11 months old when we adopted her. We spent 20K over a year in fees and travel. No hitches just waiting a lot. There are grants to help families adopt special needs and older (over 4)children. I agree too many peopel rush to adopt without thinking of the risks. Too many rush to have babies without thinking it through as well.
Jill said
And it leads you to wonder, what is going wrong with our environment and our bodies that makes it so hard to do something as simple as get pregnant? Why does it seem like more and more people have to turn to science to have a family? When I was growing up, multiples were rare – I remember there being two sets of twins in my entire high school of over 2,000 kids. Nowadays I see twins EVERYWHERE. Every time I go to the store. When we went to the beach this summer, I lost track of how many sets of cute little baby and toddler twins I saw. Were they IVF? Were they spontaneous? Could the latter be linked somehow to the former in the possible environmental issues that are polluting our reproductive systems? Hmmm…
Carrie said
Well, this is purely anecdotal, but I personally attribute the increase in twins to a combination of better medical care, higher maternal ages, and of course, fertility treatment.
I think the better medical care is generally not focussed on so much, but it might still be significant. For example, I know of three sets of spontaneous identical (monozygotic) twins; two of those were in my family. Monochorionic twins, i.e. they shared a placenta. The first set occurred approximately twenty-five years ago. Twin-to-Twin Transfusion syndrome (TTTS) developed, and at the end of that pregnancy, only one baby had survived. I don’t know the full details, but I don’t think there was really much that could be done for TTTS then.
The second set are mine, and were born this year after a very carefully monitored pregnancy. I had ultrasounds every two weeks, at one point, looking for any signs of TTTS developing. Fortunately, it didn’t, but had it happened, treatments are 50-80% effective, IIRC. Without treatment, the probability of losing one or both babies is 80%, as I remember.
The third set occurred approximately twelve years ago in a friend’s family. TTTS did develop, and quite seriously, too. However, with treatment, they both lived.
Of course, an increase in the survival rate of monochorionic twins isn’t going to massively affect the twin rate on its own, but improvements in medicine have increased the survival rates for dizygotic (fraternal) and monozygotic dichorionic (a placenta each). During my pregnancy, I was intensely aware of all the things I was at increased risk for, simply because it was twins… As it turns out, most of them didn’t happen, but had they? Well, twenty-first century medical treatment is better than that of the early and mid twentieth century!
Kayce said
I grew up thinking that I would have children. I never once thought I couldn’t. It took four months to conceive my daughter, and when started trying again, I have had two miscarriages and 18 months of trying to have a second baby with no success.
Adoption is a hard pill to swallow. Not only are you giving up on having children of you own (even if you already have some), you have to go through the emotional agony of thousands of dollars, and hundreds of rejections before you might get a child.
The one thing that hurts couples with infertility most is when people ask “Why don’t you just adopt”. No one actually realizes the toll it takes on a family when they are finally ready to say they will raise someone else’s kids and not their own.
And with secondary infertility, it can actually be harder than primary infertility. With primary, you don’t really know what you are missing. With secondary, you have already had one or more children and thought it would work the same way a second or more time. Secondary Infertility is actually the majority of infertility cases. I think the percentage would be a lot higher, but most with SIF don’t get treated because you are raised thinking “Once fertile always fertile”.
And it doesn’t get any easier, even if you have the expensive fertility treatments. Most have a success rate of about 20%. You risk so much wanting a family, and people just make fun of you because it might not work and you could be spending that money on adoption.
The article definitely opened my eyes. We can’t afford expensive treatments, but I can afford the little ones like clomid or progesterone. If I get twins or triplets, that just means that I was meant to have them. Even though getting multiples on clomid is only about 25%, it does happen. And even seeing all the multiples around and knowing clomid is the #1 proscribed fertility treatment, it could be the cause.
But, I don’t think it’s fair to judge a family based on their fertility choices. It’s the choice of the family. Even if you conceive your triplets naturally and they end up the NICU or dying, that is still a hard pill to swallow. I think it is a harder pill to swallow if you used treatments, but you never know what steps you will take to have a family until you can’t. Infertility sucks, and some good families deserve children of their own without being told they need to adopt the unwanted children in the world.
(Sorry for the long post… It’s one of my soapboxes…)
realityrounds said
Kacye,
No need to apologize. You have great insight. I also do not like the thought of “oh well, just adopt then” attitude. I even wrote a post about the inappropriateness of that type of thinking in regards to infertility. The NYT’s article was very eye opening for me. I never thought about the extreme financial hardships, and emotional ones, that infertility can cause a family.
Akiko said
I have seen the consequences of people who adopt as second choice. It is heartbreaking for everyone. Mostly to an innocent child who deserves love as much as a biological child. But not everyone is up to it.
Rixa said
Really tough stuff to think about. I faced several years of infertility when we started trying to have children–or rather, “we” did since it was most likely due to dh’s extremely low sperm count + poor motility + poor morphology. One of the reasons we took his first tenure-track job (among many others) was that the insurance covered fertility treatments. We did a round of IVF with 2 embryos implanted and it didn’t work. We had 2 more marginal embryos left and were going to do a frozen transfer 2 months later. In the month in between, we got pregnant on our own with my oldest. I have yet to blog about my experiences in the infertility clinic…but I have lots to say about it. One day.
It was incredibly frustrating to deal with infertility, especially in my religious culture which values families & children so highly. And I second the comments about “just adopt.” I had zero desire to adopt. It did not at all feel like what I wanted to do. In part because I am adamant about breastfeeding my children and would have a hard time voluntarily formula feeding my own child. (Yes I know about induced lactation but frankly most women still have to supplement to some degree).
Environmental issues–I am about 99% sure that my husband’s infertility was due to chemical and heavy metal exposure. We completely renovated an 1890s Victorian while we were grad students, and he would often strip/scrape/heat gun lead paint without a respirator and sometimes without even a dust mask. Much to my dismay and sometimes despite my requests to please protect himself. We got pregnant on our own about 6 months after we finished the renovations and moved to another house. We know that his sperm count was already going up when we started the IVF cycle and, although we haven’t checked it since, I am positive it would not be as low as it once was.
I totally agree that the ethics surrounding reproductive technologies/prematurity/high level multiples are so tough to figure out. I am glad that I never had to deal with multiples or babies needing NICU care.
Dou-la-la said
I have not had to struggle with fertility, so I can’t speak to that issue, but for what it’s worth, I can tell you that, as an adopted child, the drive to have a biological connection to another human being was a very powerful one. It was definitely part of my motivation to become a parent. I have to admit that, even as an adoptee MYSELF, who certainly knows what a tremendous gift it is for many people – adopting a baby would not have been the same for me. It’s not as simple as “Well, just adopt, then.” Add into the mix the fact that, as others have pointed out, the cost and red tape involved with adoption are prohibitive for a huge number of couple who would otherwise be all over that option.
I do think you ask some very, very important questions, and I can understand how it must sometimes seem from your perspective as a NICU nurse.
Erin said
This is an issue that comes up very frequently in the NICU where I work… and one that I have very strong opinions about. I haven’t had to face infertility (yet), but my husband and I decided before we were married what we would do if we were faced with that situation. I have just seen much too much heartache as a result of fertility treatments. And while I am aware that most people have just one baby and that baby usually does not suffer from long term health problems, it is just not something that I could do.
Carrie said
P.S. When I say “early to mid twentieth century”, I don’t mean to imply that you’re old- it’s just that I’m unsure if there’s a qualitative difference between 1999′s standards and 2009′s standards of treatment.
Akiko said
When I had my first surgery at 14 to remove an ovary and ovarian cysts the doc said to have my kids early. Clock ticking at 14. I had two more surgeries in the years that followed. I did manage to have a baby after 2 miscarriages at 38 but used on fertility treatments. My doc offered but I was firm, no thanks. I did not want multiples and the complications. I am 5 feet tall and weigh about 120 pounds. Dangerous for me and for babies. I know too many people who wanted to be pregnant more than anything. It was almost like we were in a battle with out bodies. I can see how some would do anything to win. I decided after the seocnd miscarriage one more try and that was it. We got a baby. Then we wanted another. I saw three docs, all said go for it. I walked to my car after the last appointment, 39 years old and lucky ot have lived after my delivery. There and then I decided on adoption. It felt so right. We always wanted to adopt and now was the perfect time. My family was thrilled. They worried about my health and were open to adoption. My youngest was 11 months on adoption day and she is perfect. I cant imagine life without her. I am so glad we chose that path. But I can see it is not for everyone. Lots of unknowns. When you want a child you dont think of the risks, the costs. You think of that little one out there somewhere. I even felt that way while adopting. I did not care what we had to do or how much it costed.
Natana said
What I’ve come to realize, is that the desire to have children, especially for those who struggle to do so, is far too emotionally weighted to begin with. Add to that the increased risk of complications and having to make impossible decisions (carry all 4 babies or choose which embryo/fetus do we dispose of ) and one thing becomes clear. Nobody would choose this. What people are choosing is the hope of a healthy child. Born on time with no complications. The same as anyone else trying to have a baby, just not with the odds in their favor.
realityrounds said
Natana,
Great points.
nishkanu said
I am currently 33 weeks pregnant with a donor-egg child conceived after many grueling years of infertility treatments. After a great deal of discussion and thought on this last cycle we transferred two embryos (it was our 8th and last IVF cycle, the 3rd with donor eggs). We got lucky; we got a singleton. Another woman at my clinic at the same time transferred two and got triplets. If we do DE again for another child I will not transfer more than one embryo. But that is easy to say now, now that I know I can get pregnant and carry (probably) to term. On the last cycle all our only frame of reference was previous miscarriages.
I would like to echo what some of the previous commenters said. You don’t know what you would be willing to do and how you would feel about it unless you have gone through it. At the start I would never have believed I would ever want to do DE (after all we could “just adopt”). And I would never ever ever have signed up for 8 cycles. But the cycles come one at a time and before you know it you have gone much further down the road than you ever thought that you would. Of course we are also very very lucky that we had excellent health insurance and that we could afford to pay out of pocket when that ran out.
My husband and I know for sure that our lives are not complete without youngsters in them. And while I am fine with adopting my husband is not, and it is his child too. The more research you do into adoption the more the idea that it is a simple, morally positive choice (in contrast to the black, selfish choice which is IVF and especially DE IVF) becomes muddied. For example, studies show that DE kids tend to be happier and more secure than adopted kids. And if DE actually works (and my clinic has a 70% success rate per cycle) it is also much much much much easier than an adoption.
http://hardknockedup.wordpress.com
realityrounds said
Nishkanu,
Thanks so much for your input. I think a running theme with the comments on this post is, you can never really know what you would do in circumstance like this, unless you actually have to go through it. I mentioned in the post that my husband I were OK with not having kids, but we could also never know what we would really do if faced with infertility.
Very thought provoking comment. Thanks!
Jessica said
I have some physical difficultes and was told growing up that I might not be able to carry a child to term. So, while I always wanted a lot of children, I have always been comfortable with the notion of adoption. I never understood people who are so desperate for there own ‘flesh and blood’ that they will do anything to create life where none exists. Infertility is horrible, I agree every couple who wishes for a child or several children should be given every societal help in obtaining them. But there are so many children looking for adoption that I do not understand why that is not the automatic answer for these people. To me, the child you raise and love is YOUR child, wether it came from your loins/belly doesn’t really matter (this attitude was probably helped by the fact that I was raised by a man I called daddy and will always think of as my father from the age of 4 even though he is not my biological father). Since growing up and understanding more of the intimate details of IVF I am against it morally and religiously in addition to simply not understanding it from a societal standpoint. (because IVF creates more babies than are ultimately implanted and those babies, yes I know the ‘medical’ term is embryos but that distances us from the humanity of it a person is a person regardless of age or size, are usually disposed of, IVF is just another form, if odd form, or abortion/murder of so called ‘unwanted’ babies, even though many people, instead of creating new embryos would be happy to adopt already viable embryos)
Jessica said
As a quick follow up it turns out I have successfuly had 1 child and am currently in what has every indication of being a successful 2 pregnancy despite my impairments. But, since I am unlikley to be able to physically bear as many children as my husband and I wish to have, we are anxious and happy to adopt in the future to fullfill the want for children rather than risk physical/financial ruin and the life of a baby just to try for ‘one more natural child’ when my body has been pushed to its limits.