Realities of a Real Life Baby Nurse
Posted by realityrounds on July 27, 2009
Every working mom has some form of guilt in leaving their kids in daycare or with nannies, while they go to work. It can be tough, real tough. I have mentioned before how I have missed some milestones with my kids while I was at work, like my daughter’s first tooth coming out. Other working moms have told me stories of how their kids said their first words, or took their first steps with the nanny. Word of advice to nannies, don’t tell the mom about her babies first steps with you. Keep quiet, and act real surprised if the mom tells you how she just saw her babies first steps!
Neonatal nurse-parents, have their own feelings of working guilt. We are leaving our babies at home/daycare, to take care of others/strangers, babies. It’s kind of ironic. I have discussed this very weird sense of guilt many times with my NICU peers. It really is an irrational sense of guilt, but isn’t most mommy-guilt irrational?
The other day I had planned a nice summer day with my girls. Nothing earth-shattering, just some outside fun, arts and crafts, etc. My husband was at work, and I got a desperate call from work. The unit was hitting a critical mass, and they were in dire need of some extra help. Moral dilemma coming my way. Do I continue bonding with my girls, or do I help out my colleagues (and the patients), in their time of need?
I packed my kids up and sent them to my sister’s house.
“Mommy! Why are you going to work?- missing-toothed kid.
“There is an emergency at work. They need my help.”-guilt ridden mom.
“Emergency. Did someone die?”-missing-toothed- too- smart- for- her- own-good- kid.
“No! Lot’s of babies need to be taken care of.” -guilt ridden mom.
So I left my kids, yet again, to take care of stranger’s kids. I loved the patients I took care of that crazy day, and I loved their families. It was very rewarding teaching the parents how to care for their fragile preemies, and answer their questions, and comfort them, while my sister comforted my kids.
I often think of quitting nursing, at least until my kids are grown. Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE my job. Corny as it sounds, caring for newborns and nurturing new families is my calling in life. I have never, ever, not once, regretted the career path I took. But as any mom can relate to, my kids are my number one priority in life. I could quit today, and feel the guilt of yet another experienced nurse letting at-risk families sway in the wind, so she could care for her own family. I saw the look of gratitude the parents gave me while I helped them care for their newborns. I saw the look of disappointment in my daughters eyes as I left them, again, to care for others.
Which look will pull me away?
RR
Kathy said
I’m a SAHM, so obviously I’m biased. But…
There can be another nurse that can fill your shoes at the hospital. Your kids don’t have another mom to take your place at home.
Think of it this way — by quitting, you give someone the opportunity to have a job when she quite possibly desperately needs the money; and you give yourself the opportunity to have a job (motherhood) that has rewards like no others. It’s a win-win situation.
Maybe it doesn’t have to be “all or nothing” — you could work weekends or be on call, but primarily stay home with your kids. That way, you “keep your hand in” and keep your skills up-to-date, but you can still spend more time with your kids. Perhaps you can volunteer or do a part-time something where you help moms of former NICU patients transition to taking care of their babies themselves. Or something. You don’t have to give up “your babies” if you quit in order to take care of your kids.
Joy said
So, so difficult! For me, my kids come first and foremost and I don’t feel guilty about that. I think I’d feel more guilty if I brought them into the world only to end up caring for every other person but them at the end of the day. I often dream about having a career and going off to work but the fantasy is shattered when I realize just how little time I’ll have spent with them… when they grow up so fast!
Frosty said
I don’t think it has to be an all-or-none concept. For the majority of my childhood, both of my parents worked full-time jobs. I learned great lessons in seeing them do so, and the money afforded us a lot more opportunities as a family. In fact, the income is what allowed me to get the best care during the multiple hospitalizations and surgeries that I encountered as a child.
I might now look at this issue through the lens of a single guy with no kids, but I can look back and easily see the benefits of having parents who both worked full-time to give us things we would have otherwise not known.
Diana J. said
I’m another biased SAHM, but I’d love to say that I adore being a SAHM and wouldn’t trade it for the world. Your kidlets will never be young again or go through their milestones. A career will always be there, but kiddos won’t.
realityrounds said
Thanks for all your comments everyone! It is hard. I am lucky that I have a very flexible work schedule. I have a lot of thinking to do.
lpnmon said
I find that my part time, PRN position is the perfect compromise. I’m home most of the week, but still have a day or two to do the work that I love. My work day(s) are hubby’s off days, so we don’t need day care; he gets a chance to be with the kids.
Good luck with your decision. I’m sure you’ll pick what’s best for you and your family.
-lpnmon
mamamia said
Wow, that’s a lot of input from the SAHMs, but as moms, we will always feel guilt about the decisions we make concerning our kids. Up until my kids were 12yrs old my husband and I managed to care for the kids ourselves by working split shifts. And I still felt left out if something “new” happened while I was away, even though it was daddy time. But stay home for a few years straight and you might lose a little of the guilt, and wish you could be out w/ the real world and away from the kiddies. As long as you provide a loving environment, what’s wrong w/ bringing in other people into their lives they can love and be loved back. The more the merrier, remember it takes a village….
Aviva said
I’m a SAHM. But fwiw, I think the job you do at the hospital is very, very valuable. And it’s not one that just anyone can do. It takes a special kind of nurse to work in NICU, and nurses are in short supply these days anyway.
The truth is, even SAHMs miss things that their kids do for the first time. Maybe we go out for a GNO. Maybe we leave the kids with their dad so we can do the grocery shopping and get a little breathing space. Maybe we’re taking a nap while their other parent cares for them.
My husband, who works full-time to support us, is often jealous of my being the stay-at-home parent. (If I could support our family financially, I’d happily let him take a turn at it.) I find that the time he spends with our 4.5-year-old daughter is almost entirely focused on her: playing with her, teaching her something, reading to her, taking her somewhere fun. But that’s not real life as a stay-at-home parent. We’re also doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, running errands, paying bills, etc. (I know you do that as a working parent too, on top of your hospital job and spending time with your kids.) We spend a lot of time shuttling our kids from various activities and/or playdates. I sometimes think my husband actually gets more *quality* time with Ellie than I do.
Anyway, your kids are learning important things from your having a job that means so much to so many families.
I don’t know if your job allows you to take a sabbatical or some sort that would allow you to find out if you really like the stay-at-home thing when you do it for more than a week or two at a time on your vacations. It can be really rewarding, there’s no doubt. And I’m happy I’m able to do it. But there’s a lot of people out there who just wouldn’t be content at home with the kids. You’ll have to decide which one you are.
I don’t know too much about nursing, but my outsider understanding is that nurses are always desperately needed. So maybe if you wanted to, you could always try the SAHM thing for awhile, and if it wasn’t for you, would it be hard to get a new job at the hospital? (I’m guessing you’d lose things like seniority, which would suck …)
Sorry you’re feeling pulled in both directions. But I think you did a good thing the other day when you helped out your colleagues and your patients. And while your kids might not have thought so at the moment, they will when they’re older.
realityrounds said
Very well said. Thank you so much!
pinky said
Buddy, don’t answer the phone!
Darcie said
Once a week I am gone for usually 24 hours these days, because “mommy helps ladies have babies”. Yes it is hard to be away, but when we have careers that are rewarding to our souls we can be better parents. Just another way to be a good parent, not a better one or a worse one.
Kathryn said
I’m mostly a SAHM, but I have an (unpaid) job as a singer with the local symphony orchestra. Plus I freelance doing other paid work. I end up being out of the house anywhere from 7-40 hours in any given week, with summers almost entirely off. I love it and wouldn’t stop for anything. Yes it was hard to leave my wee baby when she was only three months old, but it was even harder to be away from the musical work that I love.
Raising my daughter is the most important thing I will ever do, but it is not the only thing I will ever do. I need balance in my life.
Jen said
This is an issue for all women that transcends professions. Those who have a choice, like you do (me too), get to wrestle with the decision. Some days it’s easier than others. In my case, I think I am setting an excellent example for my kids by working outside of the home. That’s not to say I didn’t cry this morning when my 4 year old, sick w/ fever for 3 days now (because it is the middle of July, a common season for viral illnesses), got on the phone and cried that she wanted me (even though she was home w/ grandma taking care of her). But they know I am there for them and take care of all of their physical and emotional needs the best I can, and they know they are loved. They also see that I have a job that I enjoy and there are other people who need me too. Your daughter has a lot more teeth that will come out! After the 3rd or 4th it’s just another part of growing up. There are so many moments, you can’t hit them all!