A Laboring Convicts Birth Plan

• Wait until I am 10 cm dilated and pushing to distract staff into complacency.
• Whittle shiv from card board food tray with my teeth between contractions.
• Use IV tubing to tie up doctors and nurses to make my escape.
• Quick, birth that baby!
• Overcome prison guard and entire L&D staff with one arm, while holding newborn in other.
• Run out of unit with placenta still attached.
• Stop and ask for free bus pass at hospital courtesy desk.
• Take bus back to my hood with new baby so I can plan my next criminal action.

Is this birth plan ridiculous?  Hell yes.  Why did I write it?  Because of the ridiculous news coming out of the Windy City.   Some female inmates of Cook County are suing the city and sheriffs department because they were forced to be shackled during their labor and delivery.  The federal suit filed Thursday against the sheriff’s department and Cook County claims the “shackling policy,” which requires correctional officers to shackle pregnant woman in their custody during and immediately after labor and delivery, violates human rights and shows indifference to rights secured by the Constitution of the United States. NBC Chicago

Of course, because of HIPPA laws, we will never know what really happened in those hospital rooms.  Some are saying the shackles were released during pushing, others are saying no they were not.  The point to me is, a laboring woman does not need to be shackled during labor!  Let’s get real people.  In 16 years I have seen a pregnant woman restrained only once.  She was not in labor, but she had a severe mental illness, and was in danger mostly to herself.  I am going to assume that those of you who also work in L&D will agree with me.  We rarely restrain pregnant women.  Even women who come in hopped up on drugs, screaming bloody murder, and clawing at the staff..no restraints.  Even women having psychotic breakthroughs while pushing telling us they will cut out our hearts with a butter knife if we say  “you’re almost there.  Only one more push.”….no restraints.  Why should these imprisoned women be treated any differently?  An armed guard outside the hospital room would be more than enough security.

What struck me as scary and very ignorant were the readers comments to this NBC story.  Here are a few snippets for your reading pleasure:

“In a perfect world, these convicts would go thru abortions. The women are habitual criminals….thiefs, murderers, crackheads.”

“This is stupid! Cry me a river you pathetic inmates,criminals, scums of life”

“Excuse me…..YOUR IN PRISION YOU IDIOTS…….TOUGH ! Maybe you baby mamas should have thought about NOT getting preggers or doing a crime while preggers…BOO HOO BOO HOO….Whats really degrading is the fact that I HAVE TO NOW PAY FOR YOUR BEHIND IN JAIL AND YOUR KID……You want pity……SORRY ! BOO HOO BOO HOO……Cru me a fricken river………………………….Maybe you cry babies should have been living a CRIME FREE LIFE……how about that……”

“This is a frivolous case, they are in jail for a reason, doesn’t matter what that is. They need to be restrained somehow, so they don’t attack the nurses/doctors. Any visitor could bring them contraband. I don’t have a problem with the shackles. If a family member ends up in jail and needs to deliver there….then so be it!! It’s enough that we are paying for their jail stay.. I say bread & water. Not 3 square plus medical/dental…. How about a tent camp like in Arizona!!!!”

Obviously, the knuckle-draggers that left these comments have never witnessed a baby being born, or had a baby themselves.  No one is saying these women do not deserve to be in jail.  But they do deserve some basic human rights which include delivering a baby free from chains!

I can’t believe I even had to write this post.

RR