Nurses are a weird group of individuals, and I just may be the weirdest of the bunch.  While I was sperminated with baby #1,  I was outed at work when I was about 8 weeks pregnant.  So everyone knew early on that I was knocked up.  One day at work a sales rep came by with a new fancy shmancy ultrasound machine.

“This ultrasound machine gives the clearest images on the market.  We pride ourselves on first trimester images.  Do you have any patients on the unit in their first months of pregnancy we can scan?”-said the impeccably coiffed, perfect make-uped, $2000 dollar suit wearing, Manolo Blahnik sporting drug dealer product rep.

“Oh me, me.  I’ll do it.  Scan me, me.  I’m 8 weeks pregnant.  I want to see, see.  Oh please, please!”- said the hair in scrunchy, no make-uped (does Oil of Olay count?), scrub wearing, Croc sporting, NICU nurse.

Splurt goes the conducting gel on my still flat abdomen.  Splatt goes the wand over my pubic bone.  I look up at the monitor and see……a lima bean.

“Look, look at that lima bean!  It is my cute little lima bean.  I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy. Come on, Squishy Come on, little Squishy.  (Credit:  Finding Nemo-2003).

I’ve Got It Bad

That first look at Squishy was my gateway drug.  I could not get enough.  I stalked the L&D nurses every chance I got.  “Laura, got time for a quick fix scan?”  “Nancy, help me out.  Can you scan me in room 12?”

The L&D nurses got wise.  They avoided all eye contact with me.  They ran the other way as I walked down the hall.  I was a pariah.

I found easier targets…..Residents.  “Hey Dr. Smith.  Want to practice your ultrasound skills?”  “Dr. Jones, there seems to be something wrong with the new ultrasound machine.  We better test it out on my burgeoning belly.”

I became addicted to the weekly scans.  Images of a lima bean with a small yolk sac attached.  Then small arm buds.  Then movement!  Squishy is swimming! Then eye sockets, and bones, and OMG, Squishy has my husband’s spine!  I could not get enough.

Fifteen scans later (yes, 15) came an intervention.  I read an article on the internets (computers should be banned for all pregnant women) that unscientifically stated that ultrasounds caused birth defects, low IQ’s and poor voting habits in infants.  I was in a panic.

I confessed to the Director of OB of my ultrasound addicted ways.  I got a long, disapproving gaze from the wise one.  She reassured me that repeat ultrasounds do NOT cause birth defects, but that I was playing with fire.  She told me a story of another nurse she used to work with.  That nurse, like me, constantly scanned herself while pregnant.  It was thrilling to see the normal development of her growing fetus.  But, all was not normal.  Her baby ended up having a myelomeningeocele (spina bifida) that went undetected by the amateur scans done by her colleagues.

I stopped, cold turkey.  No more scans for me.  I lived satisfied with the dreams of how my Squishy would turn out.

I often wonder, how many other medical professionals suffer from ultrasound addiction?

RR