Archive for June, 2009
Posted by realityrounds on June 30, 2009
Nothing reminds me of the dog days of summer like prison movies (?!) and new residents. These young fresh faced souls descend upon our units like new fresh faced inmates. So cute. Here is what this House Mother advises for all the hospital newbies.
How to Survive in the Big House
- The unit secretary is the most important person in the hospital. They are the warden. If you are nice to her, your chances of surviving your stay in the Big House increases. Here is how you get on her good side: Answer the phone. Don’t just stare at it and hope it will go away. Pick it up, answer it nicely, and try to help the voice on the other end. Call the warden by her name, preceded by Ms. “I would be happy to answer that call for you Ms. Smith” If she let’s you call her by her first name, you’re in.
- Medical procedures such as chest tubes and central lines, are inconsequential in your survival in the Big House. Success depends more on your ability to transfer a call and entering your own orders in the computer.
- Nurses, think of us as lifers. Most of us take pride in living in the Big House. It is our second home, and we may not take lightly to the new interlopers with the shorter sentence. We can make your life miserable, or we can make it pleasant. Most of us are just softies with a tough exterior. How to get on our good side: Be respectful. Ask us questions if you do not know something. Do not be a know -it- all, because no one is. Most nurses love to teach, and we would love to share our knowledge on survival to the new inmates. Listen. Help us with the care of patients that you may think is beneath you. Nothing is beneath you, or anyone. Show an interest in us, and everyone, on a personal level. “How was your weekend? Your kids are cute. Did you see Shawshank Redemption?”
- The Medical Director. Think of them as the CEO of the prison system. They also take pride in the Big House, and their unit is the most important. So you are rotating to OB, but really want to spend the rest of your life replacing hips. What do you do? You pretend you love OB. That’s right, pretend. Jump at the chance to do pelvic exams and catch babies. Read, read and read some more. If the OB director asks you a question, do not stare at her like a deer caught in the headlights. Know your shit. If you don’t know, find out. When your shift is over, vent to your friends and other residents about how much you hate OB. Just don’t dare do it in the Big House.
- The Facilities. Be aware that your cell call-room will most likely be smaller than a real life prison cell. If you do not want it smelling like feet and Doritos, be nice to the housekeeper. Clean up after yourself. Your mother does not work here. Wash your own dishes, throw away your take-out containers, don’t leave your wet towels on the floor.
- Bribery. Just like in prison, it is always a good thing. Free diet Cokes, donuts, and chips go a long way.
- The Yard, aka the break room. This is a shared space of lifers, housekeepers, OB directors, secretaries, etc. If it is crowded at lunch time and you are not actively eating….leave. Don’t suck up the oxygen in an already crowded room. Most importantly, give up your seat so all the other hard working inmates can eat their slop while seated.
- The Patients. They are the reason you are doing your time. Remember why you became a doctor. You are mostly young and healthy, and it may be hard to put yourself in their nasty hospital gown and uncomfortable bed. They are most likely more scared of you, than you are of them. Have empathy. Listen.
Treat others how you yourself would want to be treated. An oldie, but a goodie. This will make your sentence a short and pleasant one. It will be worth it in the end.
“Hey you Bastards, I’m still here!” – Papillon (1973)
RR
Posted in health, nursing | Tagged: doctors, health, hospitals, nurses, patients, residents | 13 Comments »
Posted by realityrounds on June 29, 2009
A woman comes to the unit in full labor. Out of control. Screaming. Drug addicted. A repeat offender. She delivers her baby in a chaotic environment of wails, expletives and panic. The baby is brought to the nursery to monitor for drug withdrawal.
“What a bitch. She needs to be sterilized. How can she continue to have so many babies? Lock her up and throw away the key.” Comments from “medical professionals” during their daily routines.
Mom’s with substance abuse issues are the most vulnerable patients we care for. We don’t know their back stories and we really don’t care. We are very good at the dirty looks, the impatience, and the judgment. I am guilty as charged. How ironic. Delivery a baby is often the only time these women enter into the health system. Instead of offering kindness, and empathy, and HOPE, we offer scorn.
Awhile back I wrote about pregnant convicts being shackled during their labor. The original newspaper article included comments from readers that were less than kind to these women. They were downright ignorant and misogynistic. It was eye opening.
What was even more eye opening was a comment left on my post regarding pregnant inmates. Please read the comment below left by a reader. Hopefully it will make you think twice about how you view and treat all women.
bamafanonly said
10 years ago I was 6 weeks pregnant and sentenced to 150 months (12 1/2 years) in Federal Prison on a Drug Conspiracy charge. I was told by the pretrial officer that even though this was my first offense, I would most likely be allowed 12 hours with my baby when he was born and would be shackled, due to the length of my sentence, during the birth. Thank God that I had a Case Mngr. that fought tooth and nail for me and I was entered into the MINT Program. (Mothers and Infants Together). As I researched this program and the Justice system, I realized that I was one of the first Female Inmates with a sentence over 10 years to be accepted into this program. As soon as I gave birth and got to spend 3 months with my son, take him home to be placed, self reported (again) to the Federal Facility, my sentence was reduced to 5 years thanks to a co-defendent. What if I had been catoragized as the ‘MONSTER’, ‘BAD PERSON’ etc… society is so convinced we are? I would not have had the results with my beautiful son that I had. He is much better today at 10, I truly believe, because he got that binding time with me.
Now, let me tell you what one piece of hope can do for a person who has ultimately lost all hope. In the 5 years that I did not see him, my ultimate goal was to better his life than the way it began. I earned 2 business degrees while incarcerated, 48 self help certificates and awards, self worth that I had never had, and went through pretrial, 5 years in prison, 3 years parole worked 3 jobs after my release and rode the City Transit system to all 3 jobs, never late, met all meeting requirements-never late and all throughout this process I never recieved a negative mark on my record. I vowed that it I got a second chance and a little hope I would never let him feel the pain I felt for the way I brought him into this world.
Today, 5 years after my release, I’m close to a six figure income and have full custody of a well adjusted son. He is 10 now.
All women and men in prison aren’t what society has envisioned. A conspiracy charge is the charge they don’t have to prove. In my case, I wasn’t innocent in that my lifestyle was not one of a good contributing member of society. I was messed up, addicted and was being swallowed up by a lifestyle that I truly didn’t know how to get away from. Going to prison was the 2nd chance I needed to get back on track.
So, please, before anyone puts all inmates who are pregnant, think about what hope and prayer could do for them!
This is REALITY.
RR
Posted in child birth, health, law, moms, nursing, women's health | Tagged: childbirth, convicts, crime, feminism, health, moms, women's rights | 14 Comments »
Posted by realityrounds on June 27, 2009
I will admit that I loved Michael Jackson and his music. When he died, I felt like a part of my childhood died. Of course the medical blogs are on fire speculating on how he died. The blogs debate each other here, and here and here. Theories range from drug overdose, to cardiac arrest, to fibromyalgia, to anorexia nervorsa.
It amazes me that no one has mentioned mental illness. As usual, mental illness in swept under the rug. It is not a real medical problem. It is well documented that Michael Jackson suffered physical and emotional abuse from his father while growing up. As an adult, it was equally obvious he had major self esteem and body image issues, most likely stemming from his childhood. Michael Jackson had extreme self-loathing and self-destructive behavior. To me, mental illness was the cause of Michael Jackson’s death.
As far as the pedophilia jokes floating around the internet, not funny. Child abuse will never be funny. Not ever. So stop it.
RR
Posted in celebrity, child abuse, health | Tagged: blogs, celebrity, child abuse, conspiracy theories, death, health, mental illness, michael jackson | 5 Comments »
Posted by realityrounds on June 26, 2009
So, what is the weirdest place you have ever breastfed? Of course, breastfeeding should be encouraged and accepted in our society, where no place is considered “weird” to breastfeed. But alas, this is not the case. So, I was inspired to write this post while reading a story on the Stork Stories blog. The theme of the story was breastfeeding in public, and the author provided a lot of links related to this topic. The comments on her story were great.
Some of them made me think of the stupid articles in women’s (and men’s) magazines concerning the “strangest places you have had sex.” Breastfeeding should not be a covert, secretive operation, like having sex in a public place would be. Breastfeeding is feeding an infant for God’s sake. Why should we hide it?
Here are the “Weirdest” places I have breastfed my kids. Again, why they are considered weird is beyond me. I guess they are just the most public and awkward places:
1. In an airplane, 30,000 feet above the earth. Thankfully I was sitting by the nicest old man who sympathized with my predicament. I had to nurse my chubby 9 month old in a coach seat, with her torso spread out on my chest, and her chubby, chubby legs, sprawled out on the gentleman sitting next to me. She kicked him the entire time she ate, then popped up and gave him the biggest smile. He smiled back, and then offered me his seat to change her diaper on (and did not do it). Chivalry is not dead!
2. In an Old Folks Home. I was visiting my elderly grammie in the home’s cafeteria. My newborn starting crying, so I nursed her right there at the table, covered by a blanket. I must say, I did get some skunk eye looks from the 80 year old plus crowd. My theory is that generation did not breastfeed. Could that be right?
3. In the bathroom stall in a non-baby friendly restaurant. Yuck. I was so intimated to nurse my newborn at the restaurant table, so I took her in the bathroom with me to nurse. It was horrible and gross. Everytime a toilet would flush, she would startle and pull off the boob. That was the last time I was ever intimated into not feeding my babies in public.
So, what was the most awkward place you ever had to nurse your baby?
RR
Posted in breastfeeding, health, infant health, moms | Tagged: breastfeeding in public, moms, nursing, parents | 29 Comments »
Posted by realityrounds on June 25, 2009
“Hi. My name is Nurse Silicone. I will be your pretty, pretty nurse today. Let me start a teensy, weensy IV in your arm for your chemotherapy. M-kay? What’s that? You’re having chest pain? Let me read your cute little EKG with my long lashes and big blue eyes. Oh my! You are having a heart attack. Tee hee. I will just push you over to the cardiac cath lab in my size 2, tight, white polyester uniform, and my zero percent body fat. M-kay? Oh, now you are having trouble breathing. Let me listen to your lungs. Where is my stethoscope? Oh there it is, hiding in my cleavage. Feel better now?”
To try and help the nursing shortage in the Czech Republic, hospitals and clinics are offering “special perks” to lure nurses to work. Is it free continuing education? Monetary bonuses? Tuition for advanced degrees? No silly, it is breast implants and other assorted plastic surgeries. Apparently a tummy tuck here, and a face-lift there is much cheaper than, let’s say, raising the nurses annual salaries. It’s better to look good, than have a respectable wage, my dahlings.
One Czech nurse felt that good looking nurses help patients feel better and heal faster. That is how she justified accepting plastic surgery as a retention bonus. Could this be true? Do pretty, pretty nurses make you feel better? I have been a patient, and I really did not focus on how my nurse looked. I wanted him or her to be compassionate and knowledgeable. Sure, I did not want some foul smelling, Sasquatch coming at me, but a nurses’ over all appearance was not on my radar as a patient.
Let’s face lift it. Nurses have the most intimate health care role of all health care professionals. We get up close and personal with all areas of a patients body and function, and life, and death. Hopefully we are nursing a patient with compassion, empathy, knowledge and respect.
Do you care if we are nursing while looking our best?
RR
Posted in beauty, health, nursing | Tagged: beauty, Czech Republic, health, nursing, plastic surgery | 6 Comments »
Posted by realityrounds on June 24, 2009
Just so you know, beating the shit out of a woman is A-OK in this country. What’s the big deal? Women need to be kept in their place. We need to be shown whose boss.
So keep your mouths shut. Keep your eyes averted. Bow down. Be subservient. And maybe….just maybe, you will not face the wrath of fists and anger and testosterone coming your way. If you get the beat down, be aware that you deserved it and it is all your fault. If you suffered serious harm or died during the beating, then maybe it should be taken seriously. If you suffered just minor bumps and bruises, well then, suck-it-up sister. What do you want someone to go to jail or lose his job for beating you? Puhleese!
RR
Posted in domestic violence, law, women's health | Tagged: chicago, health, law, police violence, violence against women, women's rights | 7 Comments »
Posted by realityrounds on June 23, 2009
Yes, someone out in the interwebs just typed those word into their computer and were referred to my site. Not sure why that particular search lead to Reality Rounds. So what made this person search those words? Here are my guesses:
1. Someone just had a very painful mammogram and wanted to get even with the male radiologist.
2. Someone just gave birth to a 12 pound baby while her husband complained about his hang nail during the delivery.
3. A father is searching ways to scare off his teenage daughters boyfriends.
Anyone else out there have any other ideas as to why someone would search such a topic?
RR
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: funny | 10 Comments »
Posted by realityrounds on June 22, 2009
I met *Elena in the lobby, waiting to enter the L&D unit. She was obviously nervous and anxious. She told me her story. A recent immigrant from Russia. Married for 20 years. Multiple miscarriages. Many prayers. A miracle. A pregnancy.
Now came cramping. Bleeding. 20 weeks pregnant. Half way to the dream.
At the time I was very close to being due with my own baby. I waddled with Elena to her room and got her settled. She eyed my swollen belly and asked me when I was due. I told her any day now, and she gave me a weak smile.
The OB on call came in to examine Elena. She was complete with the babies small head starting to bulge through her cervix.
“No, no. It is too early. Just stop my labor. It is too soon. Please,” Elena begged in her heavy Russian accent.
The OB explained the birth was imminent. Her baby was coming. Elena looked over at me, and I looked away. I could not meet her anguished eyes.
The baby came out quickly, only a few pushes. I helped the L&D nurse gently hand Elena her tiny baby. He had no signs of life. Elena looked him over, touched him. She whispered a prayer in his tiny ear.
I left Elena’s room without looking at her, without acknowledging her loss. I could not do it. It tore me up that in only a few more short weeks her baby could have lived if delivered. Why were Elena’s prayers never answered? It was hard for me to console Elena, to console a woman who had just lost a very wanted and prayed for child. I felt that I would do more harm than good, with my very gravid belly supporting a full term child, in helping this woman in her tragic situation. Maybe I was being a coward, or maybe my instincts were right.
Regardless, I felt much guilt for not helping Elena more. I felt guilt for carrying a healthy pregnancy when so many others could not. I felt guilt for possibly adding to Elena’s pain with my obvious pregnant state and my silence.
RR
*HIPAA compliant
Posted in child birth, health, moms | Tagged: childbirth, grief, health, miscarriage, moms, nurses, pregnancy, pregnancy loss | 9 Comments »
Posted by realityrounds on June 21, 2009
I did not want to post about this, but I can not stop thinking about it. It is such a bittersweet story, especially on Father’s Day.
A young girl named Colby had been struggling with cancer since 2005. This April, at the age of 10, she became very excited when she saw the trailer for the Pixar animated movie “UP.” She told her mom how much she wanted to see it. Colby quickly took a turn for the worse, and was too sick to go see the movie in the theater when it was released. Her family and friends repeatedly called Pixar to see if they would mail her a DVD of the movie so she could watch it at home. Pixar sent a staff person to Colby’s home with the DVD and a basket of toys so she could watch the movie.
Unfortunately, Colby was so ill and in pain from the cancer, she was unable to even open her eyes to watch the movie. So, her mother narrated the whole movie to her daughter, and Colby indicated to her mom that she loved it. Seven hours later, Colby passed away.
I posted about this because I often am in awe in how strong a mother or father can be. I just don’t know if I could be as strong as this mom, who narrated a movie about life and death, to her dying daughter. Where did this mom find the strength?
The story made me hug my kids closer. To breathe them in. To savor the sweet smell of sand, sunscreen, peanut butter and summer that is exuding from their skin.
On this Father’s Day, take a moment to smell your own flowers growing in your home. And kiss you babies daddy!
RR
Posted in dads, health, moms | Tagged: dying girls wish, father's day, health, mom, pediatric cancer, PIXAR, UP | 3 Comments »
Posted by realityrounds on June 19, 2009
OK, my husband may feel a little bit left out that I spend too much time writing and not enough time watching Dirty Jobs with him. He often suggests topics for me to post, and like a good wife, I ignore him. Now I feel bad, so I will be starting a new series entitled: Blog Topic Suggested by My Husband. (sigh)
Blog Topic Suggested by My Husband: Post #1
6 Valuable (And Disgusting) Ways They’re Reusing Human Waste
This article from Cracked, discusses the different ways human waste can be reused. How environmentally friendly! Examples of human waste recycling include: Semen, as a skin cream, Poop, as a building material, and Foreskins, as an anti-aging serum. Tres Chic!
Well, if they used to recycle placentas (is a placenta human waste?) for shampoo products, who am I to complain.
*Ego stroking comments would be appreciated by Hubby, such as: “You are brilliant!” “I find NPR’s Car Talk fascinating too!” and “My, your penis looks really big today.”
RR
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: blogging, Cracked, health, marriage, men, recycling human waste, women | 12 Comments »
