Baby Emma is crying. It is a non-stop, high-pitched desperate cry. Her voice is hoarse from the constant screeching. It’s a sound that cuts through you like a knife. Emma is frantic. She sucks on her fists and her pacifier in short, fast spurts. Then she screams in agony. Emma never sleeps. Her ankles are bleeding from being rubbed together over and over again, as if she was trying to light a fire. Emma is sweating. Her buttocks is raw and reddened from her chronic diarrhea stools. She is tremorous. Emma sucks on her bottle of formula as if she is starving. She spits up after every feeding. She protests angrily for more food. Emma keeps crying.
The nurses swaddle Emma. Emma cries. They rock Emma. Emma screams. They talk to Emma. Emma looks away from the voice. They hold Emma. Emma arches her back as if trying to escape. The feed Emma. Emma vomits. Emma keeps crying.
Emma’s mom walks into the nursery. She is unkempt and reeking of cigarettes. Her pupils are pinpoint, speech slurred. She accuses the doctor’s of kidnapping her baby. She accuses the nurses of ignoring her crying child. She yells that we are abusing her infant because of the band aid on her foot. She falls asleep in the chair while holding Emma. Yells at staff when they take baby from her arms. Makes a scene in nursery and has to be escorted out by security.
Emma keeps crying.
One of the most painful things to witness is a newborn withdrawing from Methadone/Heroin/Opiates. They can be in constant, gut wrenching pain for months. You want to bond with the baby, but you can’t. They express none of the cute, cuddly, peaceful aspects of newborns. Instead they are frustrating and exhausting to care for. Nothing calms them except for morphine, and that only lasts a few hours.
Having compassion for the mother who abused drugs while pregnant, especially the repeat offenders, is even harder. Staff are often very curt and short with these mom’s. We all know the psychology. The drug abuser came from an abusive childhood, abusive relationship, homeless, living in poverty. Everyone has a story. Ironically, the very women we should be showing the most patience and empathy for, we are rude and mean to. We know these women feel extreme guilt for exposing their unborn fetuses to illicit drugs, and they transfer those feelings to the staff by accusing us of treating their infant’s harshly. More irony.
I admit it can be very hard for me to be nice Nancy Nurse to the strung-out mom, who skulks into the NICU to visit her 2nd or 3rd or 4th or 5th child, who is screaming in agony from opiate withdrawal. It is a vicious cycle of women selling their bodies to afford the drugs, and becoming pregnant over and over again. Yet, I become hardened to it. It is a vicious cycle, drugs, sex, babies, drugs, sex, babies……….
Emma keeps crying.
RR
