She’s a Nurse
Posted by realityrounds on April 22, 2009
It’s the end of July, and I am swollen, fat, and slow (No, I am not Rush Limbaugh). I am 8 days post-dates with my first pregnancy, and I have had it. I decide to take matters into my own hands. I will do all the “home remedies” for going into labor that I have heard of. I walk for miles. I eat Mexican food. I watch Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I have a glass of red wine. I soak in a bath. I have sex with the man who made me swollen, fat, and slow (No, it’s not Rush Limbaugh). I go to sleep. I suddenly become a practicing Catholic again, at midnight.
BOOM! “Oh Jesus, Mary and Joseph and all the saints in heaven, what is happening?” Contraction, for realzs.
BOOM! “Oh Holy Mary of the Immaculate Conception save me!”
BOOM! “ Oh My God, lord and savior, I will go to confession for 30 days straight if only this will stop.”
A thousand BOOMS later: I call the priest doctor. Tells me to come on in to the hospital for delivery, and an exorcism.
Arrive in OB triage in big city hospital USA. Big city triage nurse takes my H&P, finds out I’m a nurse, tells me I am 4cm dilated and will be fast tracked to a labor room. Yeah! Big city triage nurse asks if I would like to sign a consent to have my labor and delivery videotaped for a reality show called “World Birth Day” on TLC. I decline.
Arrive in labor room. Big city labor nurse gives report to big city nursing student. She’s a Nurse would like a natural childbirth and has a birthing plan. Start an IV because She’s a Nurse has bought herself a ticket to the OR.
Big city OB resident enters room. ” Hi, I am going to break your bag and start you on Pit (Pitocin).” She’s a Nurse responds: “Oh hell no. I progressed to 4cm at home and want a natural childbirth. Why do you want to break my bag and start me on Pit?” Big city OB resident: “Because that’s what we do here”. She’s a Nurse: “Oh hell no. Please leave and find my attending physician, now.” Big city OB resident leaves, never to be seen again.
Big city OB/Gyne attending enters room. Apologizes for big city resident. Promises natural childbirth. Explains I must stay in bed strapped to the external fetal monitor and cannot walk around. Four hours later, She’s a Nurse can’t take it anymore. Tearfully asks for epidural.
Big city Anesthesiologist enters room. Gives She’s a Nurse some smack in her spine. She’s a Nurse’s baby’s heart rate drops and will not come up. Entire big city OB staff enters room. Flips She’s a Nurse on all fours, tells her to bark like a dog, shoves monitor up her love canal, screws scalp electrode on infants head, starts her on terbutaline to stop her contractions, asks her to sign consent for “TLC’s World Birth Day” emergency Cesarean Section. Big city OB/Gyne attending enters room, tells everyone to calm down, baby’s heart rate is up.
Hours later, She’s a Nurse is 10cm dilated and ready to push. She’s a Nurse’s baby is OP (Occiput Posterior) or sunny side up, or stargazing, or will not come out no matter how long She’s a Nurse will push. She’s a Nurse pushes for three hours, and stargazer won’t budge.
She’s a Nurse asks to push while not laying flat on her back. She’s a Nurse pushes naked, squatting, and hanging from a bar in the ceiling. She’s a Nurse would now like to be videotaped for TLC’ s “World Birth Day”. Big city staff says, “Oh hell no”. Stargazer won’t budge. Times up.
She’s a Nurse bought a ticket to the OR the minute she entered big city hospital USA. Big city OB/Gyne attending leaves for 30 minutes before the C-Section. She’s a Nurse asks if he was reading “C-Sections for Dummies”, while on his break. Big city OB/Gyne attending laughs. Asks why I didn’t read “Pushing for Dummies”. Touche’.
In the OR stargazer is lodged so tight in She’s a Nurse’s pelvic bones that she needs to be pushed back up inside She’s a Nurse’s uterus to be pulled out. Stargazer comes out with APGARS of 5 and 9. Healthy, happy, and with a whole lot of attitude.
*Moral of this story: Nurses are not nurses when they are patients, they are human beings. They are scared, and naive, and looking for you for help. Let’s not forget that when we are taking care of our fellow sisters. Any other morals?
RR
Terese said
Wow. Quite an experience. I loved my OB nurses!!! Even though my two labor experiences were 10 and 3 pushes respectively and “VOILA” (sorry RR!), the nurses were kind and reassuring the entire time. It’s funny that even though technology has come a long way to hasten delivery, nature has her way of dictating the process over all. Happy to hear all went well in the end!!!
realityrounds said
You are a birthing Queen Terese! I am but a mere peasant. I unfortunately think nurses as patients are “red flagged” as being difficult. There is such a thing called the “nurse curse” were nurses are doomed to have bad outcomes in their birthing experiences. Just gave myself an idea for another post
I am so happy you had great OB nurses.
midwest woman said
Your story reminded me of “to Kill a Mockingbird” when Scout stands on Boo Radley’s porch and finally sees the town from his perspective. It is scary to be on the “receiving” end and give up control.
BTW what is world birth day?
realityrounds said
It was a show they used to air on TLC every New Year’s Eve. They would film deliveries from around the world, and it was fascinating. I was just way to shy to be filmed.
midwest woman said
P.S. you had the classic labor from hell…welcome stargazer! Maybe filming it for World Naive Adolescent Girls Wanting to Have Babies would have been useful.
Kelli said
So sorry you didn’t get your natural childbirth. What an ordeal. Congratutions on the healthy baby.
I totally agree with the moral of your story. I certainly can relate having been a nurse in my past life and now an MS patient. I am a patient not a nurse. Having raised 2 adult children I remember the times of injury or illness when my nursing knowledge went out the window. I was a Mom.
Kelli
realityrounds said
That’s right Kelli. I think maybe nurses, especially new ones, become intimated when caring for one of their own. Maybe they think we will judge them. That is usually the last thing you are thinking of when you are sick or in labor.
BCB said
Wow, this is sooooo what happened on the L&D unit this week at clinicals (I’m a 2nd semester nursing student).
Woman in labor was moaning and groaning and insisting on natural childbirth. Same situation, she was an employee of that hospital (nurse or what, I don’t know). What were the nurses doing? Helping her with relaxation, breathing, massages, position changes, something?! Nope, they weren’t helping her. They were standing around the nurses station gossiping about her. Making snarky comments like “why doesn’t she just get an epidural”, and “I can’t understand why anyone wants to go through all that drama when we can give them something for the pain”. One nurse even poked her head into the room and said to the laboring mom, “be quiet, you’re scaring my patient”.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! I wished I could go in and see if there was anything I could do to help her, but she declined to allow nursing students. Ironic…I was probably the only one there who really wanted to advocate for her. I hope that someday I will be a better nurse than this.
realityrounds said
You are already a better nurse than the one’s you witnessed. It sounds like a horrible place to have a clinical rotation. Try and follow a midwife, or a really good L&D nurse next time around.
Akiko said
I tried to push a sunny side baby out too. After 24 hours of hard labor and 2 hours of pushing my OB asked my consent for a c-section. I burst into tears. He says, “I;m sorry. You can try for a V-Bac next time.” I say, “Oh no, I am crying because I am so relieved!”. I was ready to have her removed through my nose at that point. Her scores were 9/9 and she was also wedged tight as a drum. The doc actually laughed during the procedure and said, “Well, here’s your problem.” Then it felt like he and his assistant stepped inside my abdomen and wrestled out the child. Hoorah for the C-section!
realityrounds said
I must admit by the third hour of pushing, my doctor asked if I would like to push for one more hour. I told him to cut the baby out with a butter knife if he had too! I was exhausted.
RN-ish said
I am also very aware of the “nurse curse.” It sure sounds like you had it with your delivery. Those are the worst. The patients that push forever, and then have a C/S. Thank God all was well.
Pattie, RN said
Would it be bad form to brag that I birthed a ten pound plus sunny side up kid without a drop of medication . [Rhetorical question..I KNOW it is bad form but dammit, I'm still impressed with myself 26 years later!!!]
But I totally agree both about the “nurses’ curse” (seen it and been it) and the fact that life is w-a-a-a-y-y different on the other side of those darn bedrails. When you are sick and scared and lonely and very afraid because you know enough to be paranoid—you need a NURSE. A. Good. Nurse.
realityrounds said
It’s not bad form. But I am jealous!
Meghan, RN said
At 6 days post-due and an ER nurse myself- I’m feeling this. Is it bad that I read your story and didn’t think “That’s horrible” I thought- “I could do that if it meant getting this kid out of me!!” I go in for Prepidil tomorrow….cross your fingers that it actually does something. I appear to be already starting to suffer the “nurse curse” as I’m 40 wks, 6 days, with NO dilation or thinning, and i still have a floating baby.
realityrounds said
Meghan,
Think positive thoughts. I hope I didn’t put the “nurse curse” into your head. Let me know how it all turns out!
Meghan, RN said
It turns out I kind of suffered the nurse curse- 30 hrs in the hospital, 12 hours in full hard labor, 2 hours of pushing, and voila- C-Section. I’ll email you the story, but none of it mattered in the end as I got my gorgeous baby Luke happy and healthy.
realityrounds said
Oh No! Sorry about the “nurse curse”. Congratulation on your healthy baby. I look forward to hearing your story.
Akiko said
The women in my family dont thin out, have BH contrations or dilation until the full labor starts and the baby comes. When my due date loomed near my doc, an old country OB, said, “Go home, have a glass of wine and have relations with your husband. This baby has to come out the way she got in!” So my brave husband managed to make love to the Hindenberg. Poor man. Two hours later I awoke in full labor! My daughter was born on her due date.
nursingbirth said
I came over from a comment you made on my blog and I have to say, this is one of the BEST birth stories I have ever read! I HATE when some of the nurses I work with say things like “Oh jeeze, “birth plan” (as if that is her name) in room 7 wants to use the “Jacuzzi” (tone = really snarkey) and say things like “If you write a birth plan you are buying yourself a ticket to the OR.” How unbelievably unsupportive is that!! And unfortunately it is often a self fulfilling prophecy because if women who desire a natural birth are not allowed to get up and move, and kept strapped in bed, are given unnecessary interventions, then guess what, they sometimes do end up in the OR. But it wasn’t because they had a birth plan for Christ’s sake!
And as far as the moral of the story, all I have to say is AMEN! I couldn’t agree more. I am so sorry you were treated like that during your birth experience. Your story has inspired me to be more vocal about this unfortunate phenomenon when I hear other nurses say things like that in my hospital. Thank you!
~Melissa
http://www.nursingbirth.com
realityrounds said
Melissa,
Thanks so much for your comment, and for linking my story to your blog. I’m honored! I mentioned in one comment that nurses in labor often suffer from the “nurse curse” which I will one day have to write about. How sad that we do not treat our fellow nurses with more compassion and respect. I just don’t get it.
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Mama Kalila said
Coming from Nursing Birth and just had to say that cracked me up! I loved the becoming a practicing Catholic part…
realityrounds said
Dear Mama Kalila,
I’m glad I could make you laugh. It’s what get’s me through the day. Thanks for your comment, and for visiting my site!
ginny said
RR: we had the same first labor experience
except I wasn’t a nurse at the time….fast forward 7 years, not only was I an L&D nurse at the time but I was also in midwifery school, with a BIRTH PLAN!!! Baby #2, unmedicated VBAC, 6 hour labor, 30 minutes of pushing, and I pulled her out myself after the shoulders delivered….so congrats on your beautiful baby and here’s hoping for an easy VBAC next go round!!
realityrounds said
You must be psychic. My second baby was a VBAC. I have not gotten around to writing her birth story yet, but I will. My second delivered with a midwife, who also happened to be a friend. It was a fantastic, and surreal experience.
ginny said
2nd baby was also delivered by a midwife (also a friend)…you are my psychic birth friend, and your link was emailed to me by my best friend (also a doula who was at my vbac) Surreal is a good description, changed my life forever.
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